020 When God Doesn’t Heal: Holding on to Faith with Chronic Illness

This episode is for the ones holding faith in one hand and pain in the other. I share my honest journey of praying, believing, and still living with chronic illness—and the quiet shame, grief, and questions that come with it. Together, we’ll unpack the wrestle of faith when healing doesn’t come, the ways God still shows up in the waiting, and how to redefine miracles beyond physical healing. Whether you’re in a flare, walking through a diagnosis, or simply feeling forgotten, this conversation is an open door to breathe, to grieve, and to believe again—right here in the in-between.

Today I’m sharing what it’s like to believe in a God who can heal… and still live in a body that isn’t healed.

This isn’t a testimony with a pretty bow.

It’s a confession from the in-between.

What do you do when you’ve prayed every prayer?

Laid hands on your body.

Believed for a miracle.

Anointed the oil. Quoted the verses. Fasted.

And still…

You wake up in pain. Again.

You hear the stories of breakthrough. You’ve celebrated with others.

But privately… you’re still waiting. Still sick. Still asking,

God, where are You in this?

There’s a grief that comes when healing doesn’t happen.

And it’s not just physical—it’s spiritual.

Because we start to wonder:

• Is it my fault?

• Do I not have enough faith?

• Did I miss something? Did I mess something up?

• Is God disappointed in me?

And let’s be honest—it’s hard to talk about this in church.

When everyone’s shouting “He’s a Healer!” and you’re whispering,

“But… what if He doesn’t?”

We carry this quiet shame, like we’re defective disciples.

And that shame isolates us more than the illness ever could.

I don’t have a perfect answer for why healing hasn’t come.

But here’s what I do know:

God has not left me.He’s not punishing me.And He’s not withholding something to teach me a lesson.

We live in a broken world. A fallen world. And sometimes healing looks like eternity, not earth.

But even here—even now—I have seen God show up:

• In the kindness of friends who sit with me in the pain.

• In the strength that somehow shows up when I have none.

• In the whispered reminders that I am still loved, still held, still whole—even in a broken body.

Maybe the miracle isn’t the healing.

Maybe the miracle is that I still believe.

That I still show up.

That I still pray—even if it’s just, “God, help me make it through today.”

Faith doesn’t mean never doubting.

Faith means holding on in the doubt.

I’ve stopped asking for a mountaintop testimony.

And started seeing the holiness in the ordinary.

In breath. In survival. In rest. In hope that flickers but never fully goes out.

If you’re listening today and you’re still waiting on healing—

Still asking why. Still hurting. Still holding on…

Please know this:

You are not forgotten. You are not less faithful. You are not alone.

You are allowed to wrestle. You are allowed to question.

And your faith is not broken just because your body still is.

There is space here for your grief and your belief.

And I’m holding that space with you.