056 When Chronic Illness Changes Your Identity with LA Sprague

April Aramanda: Today we are welcoming L. A. Sprague to the podcast. She is the host of Christians with Chronic Illness, whose mission is to magnify the voices of chronically ill brothers and sisters, including herself, to inspirit their health journeys and their faith. L. A., thank you for being here today. I’m so excited for today’s chat.

L. A. Sprague: Dude, April, I’m so happy. I’m so happy to be here.

April Aramanda: I know we’ve been getting to know each other a little bit through a previous conversation and through social media, and I’m super excited to be able to talk to you today. When did you first realize that your life wasn’t going to look the way you thought it would?

L. A. Sprague: Oh man, I think I’m still coping with that, actually. That’s a hard question. To give a little bit of background, when I was 15, I felt super called to missions. I really believed it was a calling I had to obey. I grew up in the more charismatic faith, and we believed in lots of signs and miracles and such.

I had believed that I had witnessed three different confirmations that God was calling me to this specific city in the Middle East by the time I was 26. Spoiler alert: I’m turning 26 this June, and I’m not in the Middle East.

When I was 20, maybe late 21 or early 22, I started experiencing POTS symptoms. Then I was diagnosed with POTS in July of 2022. I was still clinging to that calling, black and white. People would try to tell me, “Maybe God used that for a different reason. Maybe be open-handed.” Even when I first received what I believed was my calling, I clung to that like it was hard, solid truth.

Everyone around me was like, “Maybe take that with a grain of salt. Maybe have open hands.” To me, it was very black and white. I have to obey God in this. This is what he’s telling me to do, and I have to do this.

Even after developing POTS when I was 22, graduating college with a major in teaching English to go do missions, I was still clinging to that for years. I dealt with a lot of depression throughout the last few years, really struggling with, “Am I disobeying God?” Especially that first year after college, it was like, “What am I doing here? Why am I still in Illinois? This is not where I thought I was called to go.”

I felt like I was disobeying. I felt like I wasn’t putting enough faith in God to provide for me on the field.

Even now, with June around the corner, I’m like, “Wow, that birthday is going to be difficult for me because I really thought that by the time I was 26, I would be overseas as a missionary.” And here I am, hardly able to work a part-time job. I cannot work a full-time job. I’m doing my podcast and trying to do what I can with my chronic illness.

It does not look like how I thought it would. I’m still accepting what I believe is the fact that that probably wasn’t God’s calling for me. It wasn’t so black and white. I think he had a purpose for it. I had wonderful experiences in Chicago teaching English. I made wonderful relationships through what I thought was that calling, and I’m so grateful for that. I wouldn’t give those up.

Still, to this day, it’s so confusing because I really had a heart for that. I really had a passion. I still have dreams of going to that country. I had a dream about it the other night, and I was crying and sobbing in my dream that I’m not there.

It’s a hard question because when did I first realize that my life wasn’t going to be how I thought? I don’t know. Have I realized it? I’m not sure. I’m still grieving it even to this day.

April Aramanda: Oh, I understand that. I do want to say a couple of things to you specifically, and also for listeners out there.

Number one, don’t stop dreaming this dream, because it is entirely possible that maybe it wasn’t by 26. Maybe it was after 26. Maybe sometime in your life, this dream will come true. Don’t stop dreaming, because God never wants us to stop dreaming.

Number two, I want you to recognize that you are currently on a mission field. Your podcast is a mission for you, and it is so good to see how God is using that mission in your life to reach other people. Maybe you’ll reach someone in that city, and maybe that’s what it was all about. Who knows?

I want you to recognize that God already has you in a mission field because of what you’re going through. Even if you never get to see that city, God has you there. But don’t stop dreaming about it either, because you never know what God’s going to do in the future.

I wanted to put that out there for you and for other people who might be having similar dreams and thinking, “Well, now I can’t do that.” It is possible that God might do something in the future. It’s also possible that God puts you on a different mission field. This was not a mission field I thought I would be in, but I’m definitely here, and it’s something that I really feel called to do. Hold on to hope. God does amazing things.

You mentioned grieving, obviously. We’re grieving things we’ve not been able to do. We’re grieving dreams we’re having to hold on to or let go of, or whatever the case is. You’ve also talked about grieving your personality. Explain that to us. What does that actually mean?

L. A. Sprague: These are all things I’m currently processing. I’m young. I’m in my mid-20s, so we discover a lot of ourselves in our 20s, right?

April Aramanda: And then we learn how to deal with it in our 40s.

L. A. Sprague: I’ve been diagnosed for almost four years now, so it’s still relatively fresh. I’ve heard this a lot, not only in my own experience, but in talking to different people. Before we were diagnosed or developed a sickness, we almost feel like we were different people.

I’ll speak from my experience personally. In high school and my early college years, throughout half my college career, I was extremely energetic. I was never home because I was always doing something. I was involved in different clubs, choir, theater, and things like that. I had over a 4.0 GPA. I was very active. I was always doing something. I was always with friends. I was always getting to know people. I don’t know how I had so much energy.

One thing I’m grateful for is that my parents taught me to never take that for granted, and I don’t think I did, so I’m grateful for that.

Around 2020 or 2021, I started experiencing really harsh major depressive disorder symptoms, and then around 2021 or 2022, POTS symptoms. My energy, my focus, and my physical ability plummeted.

I went from being an extreme extrovert, always doing something, very active, a runner, and very determined, to now being a very low-energy person. My ideal day, if I’m going out, is maybe being out four hours and then spending the rest of the day at home chilling.

I’m a lot less extroverted and a lot more introverted. People take a lot more energy. I’m a lot more shy in social situations. I’m more hesitant to put myself out there, and I have a lot more social anxiety. I used to be super confident. I never cared about what anyone thought about me, ever. And now it’s like, “Oh my gosh, what are they going to think? Am I going to talk about POTS too much? Am I going to talk about it too little? What are people going to think when they see me in Walmart in a wheelchair, but they don’t see me in a wheelchair at church?”

It feels like your personality changes. For me, my grades plummeted too. I didn’t have the energy or the focus or the willpower to do my homework or go to class. It really changed me as a person. It is hard to accept that it’s all right that you’re not who you used to be.

Especially because in your teenage years and early 20s, of course you’re going to have a ton of energy. I think it’s natural that we all change, and maybe we do all become people with less energy. What was so hard for me, and what I’m grieving, is that it happened almost immediately.

One day, all of a sudden, I was experiencing POTS symptoms, and my life hasn’t been the same. I grieve running. At this point, with some other physical health difficulties I’m having, I can hardly walk down my driveway and back without my calf stiffening up. It’s hard. I miss where I was, and I’m grieving that.

April Aramanda: Was there a part of yourself that you fought really hard to hold on to from who you were before? That you really wanted that piece to stay with you no matter what?

L. A. Sprague: I think this is going to sound so shallow, but I think the productive person. The person that could run circles around a city in a day and still have energy that night to go do whatever. I miss that.

April Aramanda: I don’t think there’s anything shallow about that. I still fight that part. I still fight against the need to rest because I want to be a productive person. I think that’s something we all fight against, and that we all miss and hold on to the longest because it’s who we know that we are.

Have there been any moments where you didn’t recognize yourself anymore? Like you looked up and thought, “Who the heck is this person?”

L. A. Sprague: That’s a good question. I feel like every day. That sounds so bad. Like I said, grief is a process, right? Sometimes I’m super confident in who I am now. At least half the time, I’m very happy with who I am now and I’m okay with it.

Full transparency, it goes up and down. I’d say that’s what the past six months have looked like for me. It’s almost like you’re looking into a mirror that’s foggy, and you’re like, “Is there anyone even past the reflection? Where are you?”

April Aramanda: My next question is regarding internalized ableism. We’re talking about how we hold on to that piece of productivity, right? We push against rest because we really want to get this done, which I do all the time. I do call that internalized ableism because I tell myself, “You should be able to do this. Come on, let’s go. Get up. You’re not that sick.” All the time, even though I am.

What does that sound like inside your head on a really hard day?

L. A. Sprague: If we’re getting really, really raw, and if anyone is listening, trigger warning. I am diagnosed with both POTS and MDD. On the worst days, it can look like suicidal ideation. It can sound like, “What’s your worth if you can’t even be independent?”

What’s the point in trying if, when you try and you get better, you have one setback? This is how it is, at least with POTS. Maybe you work up. You’re dieting. You’re exercising for six months to a year and you’re doing well. You’ve lost weight. You’re feeling pretty healthy. Then you get sick one time and you’re set back for six months. That can feel like, “Why even try?”

The extremely harsh ableism and the shame is essentially, “If you can’t produce like other people can produce, then why are you even here?” That’s on the worst days.

April Aramanda: I can say on my worst days, it has definitely been that I’m a burden on my husband. If you’ve ever felt like that, that’s a normal feeling because people are taking care of us on our worst days, and it can feel like that.

When does that voice in your head get the loudest?

L. A. Sprague: You have some good questions.

April Aramanda: I like to go deep on this podcast.

L. A. Sprague: I think it probably gets the loudest when I’m pretty bedridden for more than a few hours. If it’s a few days, a few weeks, a few months, that’s when it gets really loud because then it’s, “You’re lazy. You’re lazy. You’re lazy. Get out of bed.”

It’s hard to find those true voices of grace that say, “You need to take this rest. You need to recover.” Or words of grace and truth that say, “You are being a bit lazy right now. You do need to get out of bed and face your demons.”

The worst is probably prolonged periods of being in bed, or when someone I love misunderstands me. Whether it’s a family member or a coworker, if I’m feeling or misinterpreting something they said as stigmatized, that’s when it can be pretty bad. Caring too much about what other people think.

April Aramanda: I understand that. Is there anything that has helped you start questioning that voice in your head instead of believing it?

L. A. Sprague: Yes. I’m so glad you asked because this is a newer skill that me and my counselor are talking about. You’re getting me opening up, April. I’m generally a private person, but I was like, “You know what? I’m ripping off the bandage. I’m doing it.”

One thing I know is pretty common practice right now is practicing talking to your inner child, essentially seeing yourself as a kid who was hurting. One thing my counselor had me do is get a picture of myself as a kid. I have this picture of myself as a kid on my phone.

I’m reading this book called Hope Amid the Pain by Leslie Mickey. What I’ll do is read my devotion in the morning, and then I’ll have a picture of myself as a kid on the table. Sometimes I almost write to her or write while thinking about her.

One thing that’s been helpful is this. The other morning, I woke up feeling very depressed and also really thirsty. All I wanted to do was lay in bed, scroll TikTok, and ignore my problems. Instead, I treated myself as a child. I imagined this little four-year-old Leah coming up to me and saying, “I’m thirsty.”

I thought to myself, if I had a four-year-old kid come up to me telling me they were thirsty, would I sit there and keep scrolling? No, I wouldn’t. I would get up and get them a drink of water. So I got out of bed and got myself a drink of water.

Putting it in that framework is so helpful because you’re learning to humanize yourself again and see yourself as someone worth caring for. That’s been very helpful for me.

April Aramanda: Oh my goodness. I absolutely love this. I’ve heard people say, “Would you say that to your younger self?” This is probably the most practical application I have seen or heard of for the inner child thing, and I absolutely love that.

Would you tell a four-year-old child who walked up to you, or in my case, I can think of my kid when he was younger, “I’ll get it in a minute,” and then keep scrolling on your phone? No. I’d get up and get him a glass of water.

Thank you for sharing that with us. It’s such a practical and easy thing to think through in a moment. It’s okay to sit in bed and scroll, but you have to take care of your body too. The idea of, “I need a glass of water before I can lay here and scroll,” or, “I need to have breakfast before I can lay here and scroll,” is such a great thought.

Using the little inner child version of yourself to equate that into a real human being is amazing. Whoever gave you that, phenomenal. Kudos.

L. A. Sprague: Thanks, Chris.

April Aramanda: All of this is bringing us into the faith conversation because we talk a lot about faith, you and I. That’s the whole point. You have Christians with Chronic Illness, and with my whole business, I really try to put God as my CEO. I heard that years ago, and I absolutely love it. I want to make this about what God wants us to do.

Let’s talk about living well as Christians with chronic illness. What does living your life well look like on a really bad day? Living for Christ — what does that look like on a really bad day?

L. A. Sprague: On a really bad day, hopefully I could at least read my little devotional. It’s literally one page. If light sensitivity and migraine aren’t too harsh, hopefully I could read one page and be reminded of some sort of truth or something to focus on.

One thing I’m learning on my podcast through interviewing people is that so many people use the tool of gratitude, and that’s been extremely helpful.

I told this story when I talked to David Heflin. When me and my husband went on vacation with his family, I had a POTS episode. It was one of those where you have a massive migraine. Any sort of movement, even shifting your body a little, makes you dizzy. All I could do was lay in bed with the lights off. No stimulation, no noise, no reading, nothing. Blanket over my eyes.

In that moment, all I was focusing on was the pain. “This hurts. This hurts.” It was in that moment that I recalled, or the Holy Spirit brought up to me, whichever, to be grateful. Not in a shallow or harsh way of, “Be grateful,” but like, “What if you tried thinking of some things that you’re grateful for right now?”

That shifted my focus from, “It hurts, it hurts,” to, “I’m grateful for this comfortable bed. I’m grateful for this air-conditioned room. I’m grateful for the ocean waves in the background. I’m grateful for my husband, who came and brought me a snack and a drink when I needed it.”

I’m learning to shift my focus. It’s easier said than done, but with practice it gets a lot easier. Focusing on God is good, and focusing on the goodness and life that he gives us even in those harsh moments.

April Aramanda: I think gratitude is a great way to not only pull ourselves out of a deep, dark situation, but to retrain our brain to stop looking at the bad and start looking at the good. Over time, the more we do that, the more we see some of the good things in those moments.

Being grateful that your husband was there and gave you the space to chill out — you’re on vacation. He’s probably wanting to go do something, but he gave you the space to lay down in bed and do what you needed to do for your body. That’s a huge thing to be grateful for. Being grateful that you had a dark room and waves to listen to — I need to find a beach vacation this year.

Things like that are very important. That’s a great example of a moment when it’s really hard, because I get migraines. I know how bad they can be. Being able to pull your brain out of a bad space into a good space is powerful.

Have there been any times where your faith felt more heavy than helpful? We’re going to get real honest here about how human we are.

L. A. Sprague: More heavy than hopeful. Wow. I wasn’t prepared to be that vulnerable.

April Aramanda: You don’t have to be. You can tell me, “Skip, next question please,” and we’re okay with that. I don’t require that you answer every single question that I ask.

L. A. Sprague: One thing that’s come along with the MDD, I think, is near-crippling doubt. That’s really changed how I look at faith and what it means.

Some of the things I’m having to work through and, buzzword here, deconstruct from my past — and no shade at all to our charismatic brothers and sisters listening. We love you guys. No shade to you. This is not a generalization. In the church I grew up in, it was very heavily focused on black-and-white believing: miracles, healing, God speaking to you. If you didn’t hear from God, or if you didn’t obey what you heard from God, it reflected directly on you and your faith.

Same with doubt. I don’t know that it was directly taught that doubt was bad. I kind of doubt that it was taught, but because the message was hammered so much that you need to have enough faith and then all these things will come to you, a lot of the core belief I was raised with was dependent on my faith.

One thing I had come to believe a few years ago in this process was that I had to realize the gospel isn’t that my faith saves me. It’s the blood of Christ alone. That was really freeing for me to believe.

Where faith has been more burdensome than freeing, or at least how I had viewed faith in the past and am now reconstructing in a healthier way, was with healing. I grew up being taught basically, if you believe enough, you’ll be healed.

When I was younger, I had some pretty bad food allergies. I was nine and had gotten a bunch. My church prayed over me for healing. I went to the doctor and got tested, and I had no food allergies. We thought a miracle had happened, right?

As the years went on, for a while it was pretty steady. Maybe even into my teenage years. Entering adulthood, I started experiencing allergic reactions again. Even to this day, I have allergic reactions. Then the question is, “What happened there? Did I mess something up? Did I not have enough faith? Was there never a miracle at all?”

My belief now is that there wasn’t, not that there couldn’t have been. I’m totally okay with that and fully believed at that point that it was. But it’s looking more now like it was probably MCAS. How MCAS works is you can get positive testing one day and negative the next, and you’re allergic to one food one day and not the next.

That caused a lot of confusion, doubt, and shaming myself for not having enough faith.

I also talked about this earlier with the calling to the Middle East. I really felt guilty that I wasn’t uprooting my life and my unhealthy body somewhere else and trusting God to care for it. It was almost like carelessness would look more like faith than taking care of myself. I think that’s been more harmful than helpful as well.

I’m not sure that’s how it’s supposed to be, but full transparency, that’s how it’s been. Faith has been looked at as absolute certainty. So if you doubt, if you’re sick, if you don’t do what you thought you were called to do, all of a sudden you’re disobeying and you’re a doubter.

In reality, I need to accept that maybe what true faith looks like is uncertainty and being okay to believe that God is consistent and kind and has a good plan for me. Can I prove that? No. Can I even prove God is real? No. But I think that uncertainty and accepting that is what actual faith is.

It relieves the pressure of, “I have to have all this right. I have to have all the right answers. I have to believe the right thing.” It relieves the fault of, “I doubt because I don’t have enough faith. I’m sick because I don’t believe enough,” and brings it back to, “We’re in a fallen world. This is the way life is.” The hope and the belief and the faith is that there is a good God who can make good out of it.

I hope that answers your question.

April Aramanda: Yes, it does. Even in the best churches, even in the best places, we can grow up with a false understanding or a misunderstanding of what God says and the way God is.

There are things I had to deconstruct about my childhood too. I grew up in church, and I grew up with a lot of great beliefs and great understandings. As I’ve grown and read scripture, I’ve realized there are things I’ve misunderstood or things that were ingrained in me from other people, maybe because they misunderstood.

This is why I really believe that we need to dig into scripture a lot, because we can easily misunderstand what God says. I think you hit the nail on the head when you said faith can be uncertainty.

God says in scripture over and over again, “Do not fear.” Why do you think he says “do not fear” so many times? Because he knows we’re going to fear. We’re human. We live in a fallen world, and we’re going to mess up. It is by the blood of Christ that we are covered, and our sins are covered, and that we are okay.

I sin minute by minute, day by day. I’m going to be real. I am not a perfect person, and my mouth gets me in trouble a lot. I know that I’m not losing my salvation. I know that because I wasn’t healed, that didn’t mean I didn’t have enough faith or didn’t pray enough.

Believe me, I have been on my knees for months praying for healing for certain things in my life right now. I did not miss healing because of my beliefs or the amount of prayer or faith I had. I haven’t been healed because it’s not God’s timing. Maybe he wants to use a doctor to heal me. Maybe he’s going to heal me without a doctor. I don’t know. Either way, it’s his design and his way.

What you’ve said is very good for people to hear because it’s important that we all realize, number one, we don’t have it all together. Number two, we’re human in a fallen world, which means we’re going to get sick, we’re not always going to get healed, and we’re going to mess up constantly. Not that it’s okay to willingly go out and do something. Let me clarify that. But we’re going to mess up. I’m going to make a mistake and a word’s going to fly out of my mouth that didn’t need to fly out because I spoke before I thought. Of course I need to ask forgiveness for that, but at the same time, I’m okay. I’m not losing anything from that.

Let’s jump back a little closer to chronic illness. Have you ever felt the tension between accepting your current limits and believing for more?

L. A. Sprague: Yes. Every day.

April Aramanda: That fits in with what we’ve been talking about.

L. A. Sprague: I really think every day, because it’s very difficult. As I mentioned before, I was and generally am a very driven person. I started the podcast because I could not stand not being employed. I was like, “What am I doing with my time? No, I can’t sit here.”

Most people have to do something. We’re driven to work. We’re driven to be social, to not stay at home.

With the ableism we talked about too, there’s natural productivity, and then there’s ableism, which says to be productive is to be valuable, or to be normal is to be valuable. That fuels a lot of “push your limits, push your limits, overdo it.” You tell yourself, “You’re like everybody else. You’re not as sick as some other people.” Then you push yourself to the point where you’re in a bad POTS episode, and you’re like, “This sucks. I shouldn’t have done this.”

Then there’s the depression on the other side of, “I want to lay here all day. I have no motivation. I’m sad, and I’m tired of being sick.” Or there’s the natural exhaustion of having a chronic illness. I think also part of being human is that all of us at times feel a little lazy too.

It’s interesting having both of those forces screaming at you at the same time. You’ll be out working, cleaning, pushing yourself, and there’s a balance in there. Part of you says, “I don’t want to do this. Go lay back in bed.” Then when you’re in bed, the other part says, “You’re guilty. Get out of bed. What are you doing laying in bed?”

I think that’s the louder voice most of the time. Somewhere in there, there has to be a healthy balance.

April Aramanda: I think there is. I haven’t found it yet. Sounds like you haven’t either.

L. A. Sprague: I’m trying with little Leah. I’m trying to figure it out.

I learned so much from people I interview. Yesterday, I interviewed someone, and she recommended that every time you go to the bathroom, you do a little check-in with yourself because everybody has to use the bathroom several times a day. She said every time you go to the bathroom, ask yourself what you need.

That was helpful because yesterday I was feeling very tired from having people visit and being busy and active. I’ve been very happy to get out of the sludge I’ve been in the last few months, but I went from zero to 100 real quick, and I was burning out. I feel pretty burnt out today even.

Yesterday, I got to think to myself, “What do I need in this moment?” I realized I had a little bit of energy left to go to the grocery store, and when I came home, I would lay down the rest of the day. That’s what I did. I didn’t feel bad about it.

I think there’s definitely a balance. Maybe checking in and, for a second, imagining ourselves as that little kid again. “Do you need to be in bed right now? It’s okay if you do. Do you need rest right now, or are you avoiding something you should be doing?” Or vice versa: “You’re really pushing it right now. You’ve been moving for a few hours nonstop. How are you doing? Are you pushing to look good to everybody else? Are you pushing to be productive? Do you need to lay down?”

Somewhere in there, there’s a balance, but it’s hard to find.

April Aramanda: I guess we’ll find it one day, won’t we?

L. A. Sprague: Day by day.

April Aramanda: What does a full life look like for you now compared to before?

L. A. Sprague: Full as in fulfilling and happy?

April Aramanda: Yes.

L. A. Sprague: I met my husband because I got POTS. I tell him often, “If it took getting a chronic illness to meet you, I’d have taken it over and over again.”

Spending time with my husband and those I love is awesome. I love having people over to my house and hosting. It’s comfortable for me because if I have an episode, I can go to my room and lay down, or I can even lay down on the living room floor among my friends because they all understand.

A full life looks like having a few close people. I used to have a ton of friends, massive extrovert, everybody knew me. Now I’m at the point where I know five to 10 people in this town, but it’s actually okay. I still need to expand a bit more, but having those few close people you trust is worth it. It’s better, I feel like.

Having those few people who understand, who I don’t have to make excuses to, push myself around, or pretend around. Hosting at my house because it’s a safe place, and I like it being cozy. Everybody else thinks it’s cozy, so it fulfills me to make a safe place for other people.

My podcast too. Like I said, I’m learning so much from people I’m interviewing. I interviewed you, obviously, and we have this connection because of the podcasts, yours and mine. That’s so cool. Finding a way to bless and benefit other people within my means is fulfilling and good.

April Aramanda: That is awesome. It sounds like you have a very fulfilling life, which is amazing.

L. A. Sprague: I’m very happy with it. I actually am.

April Aramanda: Which, on your really bad days, will help you with gratitude because you’re like, “I actually do have really good friends, and I love my podcast.”

I can tell you, I’m a very big introvert. I can be around people, but you don’t see me talking to a lot of people. I am not the kind of person who will be jumping out and having all these conversations and meeting people. Not an extrovert. I need to be alone or with my husband to refuel.

Through my podcast and interviewing people, I’m actually getting fueled by interviewing people. It’s the weirdest thing. I’m getting fuel from sitting here having conversations with people I never would have met otherwise. It’s a really cool thing that adds to that fulfilling life we’re talking about. That’s awesome.

As we’re starting to wrap up, I want to ask you a few questions about what you would say to other people who feel like they’re losing themselves right now. What would you want them to hear?

L. A. Sprague: You need to remember that you were once a kid too. I know we’ve talked about this several times, but it really has been helpful for me.

Try to see yourself through the lens of caring for a child. I know that sounds silly and probably woo-woo to a lot of people, but try it. Try to find a picture of yourself as a kid, as my counselor had me do. It was so helpful. Look at her and imagine how you would respond as an adult to a child like that.

Humanizing yourself and remembering that you’re human — you’re a person worth caring for. Would you treat yourself like you treat others? That’s important. I think that’s going to help you stabilize yourself and find some common ground. At least now you can start on the level of, “I’m human.” If you feel like you’re losing yourself, there’s step one. Very basic. You’re human. That can go a lot longer way than I think you might realize.

My second biggest thing would be to know that you’re not defined by your productivity. I’m not sure what kind of person you are. If you’re lazy, I don’t want to enable that because everybody’s different. Maybe that’s your struggle, and if that is, I would encourage you to push yourself.

But if you are like a lot of chronically ill people tend to be, where you want to be productive and you want to push yourself, I think you need to remind yourself that you are more than a product. Stop demeaning yourself as less than because you can’t produce what you want to. You’re more than that.

You’re human, and your worth lies in that. God made you human for a reason, and that wasn’t only to produce. It was to be, to exist, and to be in relationship with him and other people.

April Aramanda: That’s good. What’s one small thing that makes your days a little easier right now?

L. A. Sprague: Right now, my electrolytes. My sister gave me this fancy Stanley cup for Christmas, so I fill it with electrolytes and chug it every morning.

April Aramanda: What brand are you using right now?

L. A. Sprague: The Stanley.

April Aramanda: No, the electrolytes brand.

L. A. Sprague: Oh, it’s Pure Aqua, I think, from Aldi. It’s like half the price of Powerade.

April Aramanda: Nice. That works. I’m very picky about the taste, so when I find something, I stick with it.

What’s something people assume about you that is not true?

L. A. Sprague: I think it might be that I have a lot of energy.

April Aramanda: Yes. So not true for any of us.

Finally, what is one thing you still really enjoy, even with limited energy?

L. A. Sprague: I love singing. I love singing and listening to good music and screeching it. It’s great.

April Aramanda: That’s awesome. Those are my three fun questions.

I’ve had such a great time talking with you today. I hope our listeners will be able to gather something wonderful out of the things we have discussed because I think we’ve had some really good points. You’ve already given me something to think about, and that is my little inner child as an actual human being coming up to me saying, “Hey, I need rest,” or “I need water,” or “I need to go to the bathroom,” because I’m bad about that and holding it. Former teacher, to be fair. I’m a former teacher, and I had to hold it all day.

I really appreciate the things we’ve discussed today, and I thank you so much for being here.

L. A. Sprague: Thanks, April. I’ve loved being here, and it’s been a true honor and privilege.